The sensitivity and the comfort level of discussing polygyny may have affected the sample size. My mother is a retired teacher and my dad could never keep a job, so she supported us. Lots of people are betraying their partners while pretending to be monogamous. Treating me with the resentment of a union official watching a house being constructed with non-union labor, my erstwhile friend watched me build up and remodel my life. The strength of the study is an attempt to seek the coping strategies of co-wives to deal with such relationships in the Pakistani context. Eleven women participated in the study. In part, this is due to the fact that there is still a contingent for which a marriage without children is only slightly more honorable than a series of one-night stands. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. Minor clashes are part of life to her. Eva*, now 60 was married to my father for 28 years, and then one day he said he would like to add two more wives they were twins, she recalls. 2005; 44(1): 81-98. Thamsanqa clears his throat and holds his wifes hand as he tells us that after being married for 15 years, he knew he needed a second wife. 3.What were the coping strategies which you used to accept the co-wives relationship? Eva wasn't happy, but her husband went ahead and traditionally married the two women without her consent. Remember, in a normal setup the wives are not enemies nor are they in competition, Maphalala points out. Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. Initially, uBaba wanted me to stop working and look after the business as well but my calling is nursing, says a shy Thembi, 52, as she finally joins the conversation. Carol Lynn Pearson's new book argues that many, if not most, Mormon women feel pain and fear at the prospect of sharing their husbands with at . You find yourself constantly comparing yourself with his ex-wife. I would also like to add that polygamy is not a staple in Islamic culture, nor is it a tradition. In this case, I would prefer to keep my marriage to make sure my children have a bright future," she . Two Questions to Help You Spot a Clingy Partner-to-Be. Their average marriage duration was 11 years and living in the same house or compound. 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. 2231-7791 Copyright 2023, Department of psychiatry, Institute of Applied Psychology University of Punjab, Lahore, Pakistan. A few years ago, her mother was killed in a car accident. Constitutionally, polygamy raises important issues under the free exercise clause of the First Amendment. In some Middle Eastern countries, polygamy is regulated and the second, third or fourth wife, has legal rights. Barber N. Explaining cross-national differences in polygyny intensity: Resource-defense, sex ratio, and infectious diseases. So she said I always support my husband for equal treatment with all wives because this life is much better than the previous one." Family pressure: Family pressure is also one of the common reasons for polygamous marriages. Your spouse may still have lingering feelings associated with the former marriage, including guilt, shame, regret, anger, sadness, or many others. Dont be too quick to bash him, Lillian advises other women in her position. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. The design was flexible and consent was taken for an in-depth interview. If that doesnt work then they go to the husband and present their cases, and the husbands role is to restore peace. Children can complicate matters further as each mother might feel the maternal pull to protect her own offspring more than the children of the other wives. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Being a step-parent can be a very . As Mrs. Amir told the researcher, in the beginning, she got more privilege than the first but as time was passed and she did not conceive there was a time when she was completely ignored by in-laws and later from her husband. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. The 58-year-old and her husband, Thamsanqa*, 65, married when Lillian was 18. At that time her 3rd husband supported her emotionally and financially. Decisions made by two people in first families are often made or influenced by four or more adults in stepfamilies. Not many people like a second wife. Inmany countries all over the world, polygamy is not permitted by law and marrying multiple partners is simply not allowed. But the current qualitative study is an attempt to fill the gaps that are left unexposed by survey-based or quantitative research and particularly to explore the positive consequences of polygamy and coping strategies which the polygamous women used to deal with co-wives relationships other than causes and disadvantages of co-wives. However, it is possible that a person is confronted with circumstances whereby he is unable to uphold his righteousness and purity, whilst maintaining relations with a sole lady, who happens to undergo periods of menstruation, pregnancy, delivery, suckling, and other forms of ailments, etc. 2008; 42(2), 103-117. So infertility and no male child is the main factor to permit polygamy by the wives [8]. She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. Some children may not accept a new mother or father figure, so instilling values or upholding rules with them may prove difficult. Few helped financially in return for child-rearing to the senior wives. King MT. Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. As when co-wives share their domestic chores, and other responsibilities of the family they become less possessive with time about their partners. She told that She was like a witch, spoiled my whole family. As she stated, "out of sight, saying of mind.". The interviews were verified for accuracy and consistency by listening to the recordings. Lillian, for example, says she changed her mind because she could see how sorry Thamsanqa was for hurting her, and when he explained his reasons she was able to move from heartbreak to acceptance. Wed both been married before, but does that really matter? The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. According to Ali Kurbanov, a 27-year-old practicing Muslim who is also looking for a second wife, it is difficult for a woman to agree to her husband's second marriage, however, if a woman. 2 Meet other future spouses. She told her a tragic story. I defended my mother and my dad just watched everything unfold. After three years of this, Eva decided to file for divorce but her husband, Evelyn says, is still trying to milk her for all her money. No, it is illegal.Under Section 494 of the Indian Penal Code, if a person marries a second time, without a divorce, while their spouse is alive, the marriage is considered bigamy, which is a punishable offense. I couldn't sleep properly, I was crying.'. Polyandry is a specific term used to describe marriages between one wife and at least two husbands. A new law that went into effect in Kenya this week makes it legal for a man to marry as many women as he wants. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didnt quite open, he is nevertheless willing to do it again and at an even greater risk-- everyone knows second marriages are risky. International Nursing Review. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. His actions went against the traditional practice of asking for her permission and mediating until a solution is found, but legally he was within his rights. 2014; 5(27): 1058-1058. Challenges of Polygamy Partiality of husbands: this is where. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. Judge Nenney says every week she hears cases where a couple is charged for having sex outside marriage. Journalism strengthens democracy. Lower incentive to cheat in a marriage. The study describes the different experiences, reasons behind polygamy, its outcomes, and the coping strategies used by first, second, and third wives. The study was an attempt to gain perspective about the causes of polygamy, its consequences, and the most important womens ways of coping strategies in polygamous marriages. Judges can impose penalties for personal behaviours that are forbidden under Islam: sex outside marriage, gambling or drinking. Mrs. Amir (second wife) and Mrs. Kamal (first wife) were felt lonelier and criticized by their family because of infertility and the new wives were getting more privilege socially and financially because of having children. There is splitting the assets, each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. 2016; 22(3): 272-286. First theme: reasons of polygamy as findings indicated that majority of females allowed their husbands for co-wives due to infertility or having only female children, husbands love marriage, and in-laws family pressure because they wanted to secure their marriage instead of divorce. Different coping strategies have been explored to deal with the co-wives relationship by women to share their mutual husbands. 2006; 52(1): 5-17. READ MORE:Customary law know your rights. She was married to Mr. Imam due to family pressure when he had already a wife with 2 children. Most Muslims do not practice polygamy. The co-wives shared their several experiences and reasons why they allowed their husbands for 2nd or 3rd marriage. They are sister wives, which means they have a friendship as well. It protects the families from contracting sexually transmitted diseases and possible deviation to an illegal sexual association [3]. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. Seven women were single before marriage, while two were divorced and two were widowed. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. Mormon women fear eternal polygamy, study shows. 2020; 24: 339351. Women also support their men for polygamy if they are facing infertility to secure their marriage instead of divorce [4].